*Sigh*

This one is going to be a long one, so if you don't have the time you may not want to read this.

*sigh* Where to begin? I guess that I've put off the truth for way too long, and the truth is that I'm lying to myself. I suppose that I want to believe that everyone thinks that I'm strong, and that I can fight my way out of everything...what I've realized is that the truth of the matter is, I'm only hurting myself in the process. Now that I try so hard to be tough, I've realized that I am starting to make myself emotionless, which is really starting to get in the way of my relationship with Isaac. Pretty unfortunate, but solvable, I think.
Then, now that I keep thinkng about it, I've realized that I am completely burnt out. Between working a full time job and going to school full time, I do not have any energy or patience left for anything. Granted, I do get a few hours to myself on Monday and Tuesday nights, but the rest of the week belongs to Adirondack Community College and the Roosevelt Mineral Baths and Spa. I wish that it wasn't that way but I guess that in order to get anywhere in life, sacrafices have to be made. I wish that the sacrafice wasn't my sanity.
Truthfully, I am also starting to wonder about my relationship with Isaac. We will not be able to really see each other or actually be truly together until he graduates from Clarkson University a little over 3 years from now. I know that it does not seem like a long time, but I miss him so much that I actually keep myself up at night crying because I need him...not as a boyfriend, but as my best friend. I miss having him around, I've spent so many years with him so close by and ready to be at my side if anything happened and vice versa that it is killing me to pick up the phone and realize that to get a hug from him would mean a 3 and 1/2 hour drive to Potsdam and an expensive hotel room. I suppose that it isn't too much but for the amount of hugs I've needed lately, I'm just not sure if a long distance relationship is really something that I can handle.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong here. Everytime I feel like I should just call Isaac and apologize for being stupid, or just call and find a new job somewhere less stressful, I realize that I can't, because that would mean I was admitting that I'm wrong. No one likes to believe that they've been wrong, but now that I do kind of realize it, I still don't want to correct it, I just want to be a complete moron. I suppose I'm doing a really good job, one of the few I've been accomplishing successfully lately, I guess.

Overall, it has been a truly crappy week and I'm hoping that it gets better soon, or I might explode.

*sigh*