Enter the Maytrix

Some Wise Quotes from a one Robert Frost.

2007-04-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

Here are some quotes that I uncovered while doing an English paper on Robert Frost and his poetry. I feel like not only do they help people get to know the poet, but these quotes shed light on a different aspect of our world. I'm going to choose just two today, and then write my thoughts on them.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather
and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

I just find this quote interesting, mostly because it's true. When was the last time that a bank, or any financial/government institution, gave you a loan when you needed it the most? And when do you normally need the loan the most? It's not when your bills are already paid, or when you've won the lottery and just picked up the keys to your new house...no, usually you need the loan in the worst of times, to dig yourself out of debt. However, if you were to walk into a bank and say, "I'm in a lot of trouble, please can you approve me for a loan even though my credit rating is at best terrible?" Most banks would probably politely dismiss you, then giggle while you were walking out. It seems that the underlying theme of this quote is to uncover the true greedy nature of our society; when people truly need help, we are not available to help them, we must ask questions that require financial thought, we can never readily hand over the money and say, "when you can". It's not a question of credibility, but a question of morals. If someone needs help, it is right to help them, as opposed to only doing a good deed if you know that it's being recorded.

Here is another quote that hit me as interesting:

The best things and best people rise out of their separateness;
I'm against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise.

When I first read this quote, I though it was comical, without giving any thought to it's actual meaning. When looking at the surface, you can see that Robert Frost was very much against lumping people into one category; and after some thought, I believe that I agree with him. In today's world, we group everyone together; children, even though allowed to take Regents or Advanced Regents courses in high school, are expected to be jocks, Goths, etc. Such stereotypes prevent the jocks from showing their artwork, the Goths from running track, and various other opposites which their social labels restrict them from displaying. Would it be such a shame to have people break the chains of their stereotypical existences? I don't think so. In fact, these labels prevent such brilliant work that most likely, 80% of the world's geniuses will be too busy doing their make-up and playing every sport imaginable to sit down and write that novel they've been dreaming up, or produce that artwork that they keep seeing in their mind. It's a shame, that they have to be limited. But unfortunately, we make it so.

More later.

It's been awhile

2007-04-12T18:23:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile. Or at least, that's what the title says.

I had been posting on MySpace, but since so many public computers won't allow access to it, I've decided to start posting on here more often. Also, keep checking my story blog, www.blogspot.com/smaytrix2 to see a brand new story, which is untitled currently. As a matter of fact, you should head over there now to check out the synopsis of the story! Enjoy!

Love,
Maytrix

The Case of the "Ex"

2006-05-09T21:07:00.000-07:00

So after 2 and a 1/2 years, Isaac and I are officially over. Seems that he wasn't quite ready to step up and actually start being an independent man, he likes to let his parents rule his life. Of course, he thinks I'm insane, but hey, he's the one that tried to run me over tonight, so you know what, fuck you Isaac.

See, it's really shitty when you give yourself to someone, you love them, you accept their...differences....and they turn on you and they stab you in the fucking back. You could bend over backwards for them and tell them everything they love to hear and be willing to do anything for them and they tell you you're not worth it. I loved him with every fucking ounce of my being and his mommy and daddy are more important.

I wanted a family. I wanted a future with the man that I loved. What I got was stood up, blown off, yelled at, and abused. And I never got an apology. I hate men. All of them.

He was just like Dwayne after all, and I guess I should've seen that coming. So for all of you that have been telling me that Isaac was a waste of time...congrats. You got your fucking wish.

Done

2006-04-02T20:45:00.000-07:00

Done with my tempter tantrum.

*sigh*

Never Again.

2006-03-28T19:35:00.000-08:00

I never want to talk to any of you again.

None of you.

So instead of leaving comments, you may do the following:

Delete me from your favorites. Erase me from your address book. And forget about me.

Because I'll be forgetting about all of you.

Untitled.

2006-03-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

So...the pool finally closed, so now I'm down to Spa reception and fitness center.

Woohoo.

I had a job interview this past Friday; I think it actually went pretty well. I hope anyway...just trying to keep my fingers crossed for now.

*Sneezes*

Night.

Today is almost Monday.

2006-01-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

Lifeguarding...it's actually not that bad. The hotel decided to keep the lifeguards through February so that means I'll have a little while with something over minimum wage. Good news for the bills, but this getting up at 5:30 in the morning stuff is bull.

My hair is finally getting longer. I've decided to grow it out for once instead of getting it cut. I'm not sure how it'll look but I guess we'll see.

That's about it. Have a good night, everyone.

Boring

2006-01-07T21:51:00.000-08:00

I really, really wish there was something exciting to put in here. Really, I do.

But...there's not. So I'm not going to waste your time.

*Sigh*

Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T21:07:00.000-08:00

I'm sick of saying "Happy Holidays" because a few absurd people can't deal with the words, "Merry Christmas."

So, Merry Christmas, and if I've offended anyone, get over it and go complain over lack of world peace or something and leave the Christians alone.

Yawn

2005-11-11T21:48:00.000-08:00

Been awhile...yep. I work alot, so don't be angry.

There really isn't a whole lot to report. My sister and I have gotten into alot of fights, but that's nothing new. Isaac and I, on the other hand, are doing pretty well, thank god. Work is good, I keep geting promoted which is surprising but welcome. Nope, there isn't a thing to complain about, which brings me to all the things that I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1.) I'm thankful for my parents, who never leave my side unless they need to, which is fine because they give me all the space I need to grow. I owe them alot, and I couldn't have picked better people to guide me through my life.

2.) I'm thankful for Isaac, who is the only person that has actually been a true best friend, even when others fall short and just can't seem to act like mature human beings. Not that Isaac is mature, but he and I just kind of click. I couldn't live without him and I can't wait to spend the rest of my days with him.

3.) I'm thankful for my sister, Danny, Abbie, and Daniel, who are pains but still family, and still blessings. I just hope someday I can get along with Beth and then maybe we will be a big HAPPY family instead of a big STRESSED family.

4.) I'm thankful for my cat, Kit, who didn't die during the winter last year even though he's been living outside in like, -20 degree weather and who seems to love me unmercifully. I hope he makes it through 50 more years.

5.) I'm thankful for my job. I know that there are alot of people out there who don't have a job or money, or who can't work and provide for their family; everytime I buy dinner for me and Isaac, or everytime I can buy him something he needs or a present for someone, I know that I'm blessed. I'm thankful that I have a few extra dollars to donate to a children's fund that's inside of Wal-Mart, and it may sound stupid, but I've come to realize that the best money I've ever spent is on those kids that I will probably never see.

So, this Thanksgiving, I have alot to be thankful for. I hope you guys do too.

Work

2005-09-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

Work is iffy.

Lemme explain.

I love my boss(es) and I like my work. It keeps me busy from the time I get there until the time I leave (usually). But, since all of the college kids have gone back to school, it seems like I've been getting treated worse because they are expecting me to work late hours and have no life, which I think is ridiculous. I mean, why should I have to close every single night? I don't mind closing every once in awhile, but every night is not right. Even the managers or the desk peeps don't have to close every night. I dunno, it just seems like no matter how many compliments I get, I just get treated a little more unfairly, and I don't even get benefits. Plus, they expect me to drive all the way up there for three hours of work; I only get paid $5.50 p.hour. That doesn't even pay for my gas, if I go up there for three hours. Honestly, its just starting to get a little old.

Ah, well. Enough complaints, I suppose.

In kind of good news, but not so exciting, well kind of, I'm moving to Utah to work at the Stein Eriksen Lodge. It's only until April, but I think it'll be pretty cool.

*Sigh* Let's hope I'm right.

Issue #2: Judgment

2005-08-15T22:41:00.000-07:00

I severely dislike judgemental people.

For example: Since I have gotten my tattoo, and everytime I wear a spaghetti strap shirt or a tank top, the guy/girl that stands at the front of Wal-Mart insists on going through my bag and checking my reciept. Isaac, who is usually stands right next to me, does not get searched, however. If I'm wearing a regular t-shirt and my tattoo is covered, they don't search me. I guess I must look like a clepto with this tattoo.

Second example: On the day that I got my tattoo, when I walked out of the tattoo place, a woman with a small child stopped me. Here is our conversation, word for word.

Woman: Excuse me. *Stares at me plainly like I should say, "yes?"*
Me: Yes? *Stares back hoping this person is not in some sort of mother-oriented gang*
Woman: Did you just get a tattoo? *Fake politeness*
Me: Yes I did. *Keeps staring*
Woman: *Peeks around my shoulder and pretends to be very thoughtful for a moment before looking at me.* It's very big.
Me: *Wonders where this is going* I guess...
Woman: You're going to hell. *grabs child like my tattoo is contagious and walks away*

Alright, let's disect this one.

First of all...I AM A CHRISTIAN. Why would I do something that would make me go to hell ON PURPOSE?! The whole point of my "faith" (if you hate christians just skip this part) is not to go to hell or any subdivision thereof (including but not limited to: college, the dentist, etc.). I'm pretty sure that God is not looking down at me, tapping His almighty foot, going, "Boy am I going to boot that tattooed freak to the underworld, mhm." I don't recall "Tattoo" being an unpardonable sin and I'm sick of people branding me as some psycho freak just because there is a permanent drawing on my shoulder.

Third Example: I work at a Spa. At the spa, works who we shall call "K". K has issues with Christians...as a matter of fact, K has problems with everybody. When K asked me my religion, naturally I told K, "I'm a Christian." What did I get for that? Allow me to lay out the conversation.

K: So you're a Jesus Freak?
Me: *Blink Blink* Yes.
K: I think there's something wrong with people who are Christian. I mean, are you a complete dumba**?
Me: *Jaw drops*
K: There is not a God. Man evolved from ape-like species which extraterrestrial Gods produced from their planet in an effort to become allies against their enemies. You should be smart enough to know that, if God actually created your brain. *Momentary pause for breath* And don't even try to push your beliefs off on me either, I hate it when people do that.
Me: *Visualizes punching K in the mouth*

Alright. I think everyone knows by now that I not only respect other peoples religions, but I also do not push my beliefs onto others. If you want to hear about Christianity, great, I could talk all day about it, because I absolutely 100% LOVE MY RELIGION. I don't care if you think I'm stupid, or if you worship Satan or the trees or whatever...I don't think you're right, but you don't think I'm right either, and that's why the word OPINION was created. Just because I am a Christian doesn't mean I think everyone else should be. If you want to be Wiccan, Buddhist, Atheist...I don't care. Be what you want, but don't try to tell me I'm wrong, because in the end, no one knows who is right or wrong. No one has concrete evidence that any one religion is right, everyone is going on their own OPINION. So stop being jerks to me just because I don't get down and worship everything but God.

I will stop venting for the night. If anyone leaves me angry messages, make sure you know that if I know you personally, I will probably punch you when I see you again.

Cheese

2005-08-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

I love cheese.

...That is all.

O.o

Piccy-Ture

2005-07-17T18:59:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try to post a picture of my tattoo...*try* is the operative word here.

Looks like it worked. Alrighty well that's Little Billy. I love him. We're in love.

O.o

Tattoo

2005-07-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

I got a tattoo today.

It's big, and it's dragon.

My dragon's name is "Little Billy".

O.o

That is all.

Not Engaged

2005-07-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

No longer engaged, don't really care.

Don't really care about much, actually. This is where caring about stuff gets you, right here, in this situation.

Don't leave comments either, I don't want, or need, anyone's advice.

Can't Sleep

2005-06-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

O.O

Pretty sure I just saw a tick in my room...that's right...a tick. Why the hell would there be a tick in my room? Me, Mrs. Tick Consciencious (spelling does not count), I brush the snot out of my clothes and stuff before I even think about coming inside and now there's a tick in my room.

The worst part is, I was just about to fall asleep and now I can't because there's a tick in my room somewhere waiting to put the hurt on me.

*Cries*

Pink and Purple Bucket

2005-06-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

The meaning of the title: Whenever Abbie (my niece), hates something, she calls it a "pink and purple bucket". Or, if she really hates it, she calls it a "sara".

O.o

I loves my niece and nephew.

My grandmother gave me my great grandmother's engagement ring and wedding band today. It's 60 years old, and it is from Tiffany's, which is where most of her jewelry was from, meaning that it's expensive now...and I feel really bad about wearing it. I dunno, just something about having a ring that meaningful in my possession...I guess I better be careful with it.

Work is going good. It's been getting progressively busier, and that's also good, since busy means something to do.

More good news; "former co-worker" hasn't been posting here anymore, as you all can see. Why, you ask?

Guess "former co-worker" wasn't so brave once they got found out.

Ah well. Fun only lasts so long before the mentally incapable must flee.

Nighty-night.

Fishies

2005-05-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure why I named this post "Fishies", because it has absolutely nothing to do with fish.

I'm really starting to get into the flow of work again. It's relaxed, but still extremely busy all the time. The people I work with are efficient, not like another person I use to work with, no names mentioned. The whole place is like a very well oiled machine, and to be honest, I am absolutely in love with being there. ^-^

I went camping with my parents overnight. It was pretty cool...we just got a new boat last year, but this weekend was the first weekend that it has ever been on the water...like...ever. I mean, the boat has never touched water before this weekend. It was comfortable, and I really enjoyed spending time with my mom and dad. They've decided that the boat is still a little too small, so we will probably be trading it in on a new 25 footer instead. It's purdy and shiny and *drools* blue.

That's about it. Life thus far has not proven all that exciting, but work is great.

WAIT! There's more.

I got a promotion! ^-^ As of August I have been promoted to the front desk, which is better pay and well...better pay. Not necessarily as fun, but better pay. So yeah...my first promotion and I haven't even been there a year. ^-^

Alright, I'm really going now. Night, y'all.

No Title

2005-05-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

Didn't feel like making a title.

Woke up, went to see Isaac, drove him up to register for classes, ran to the bank to cash my taxes, went to his house, went out to dinner, drove to a spa to get a mineral bath, went to the mall, then went to his house, back to Stewart's, then back to my house and here I is.

*sigh*

And I work tomorrow! :-D

Oh well. Busy days make the time go quicker, and I like it when time flies. Makes me feel like I"m kind of accomplishing something.

*Le Sigh*

My Sister's Wedding

2005-05-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

Today was Beth's wedding...it went really, really well. Well, mostly. The flowers were HUGE. Correction; Beth's flowers were huge. They were at least 5 pounds for just her bouquet. She didn't even throw it, it was way too big.

Ah well. Her and Danny are happily honeymooning and Daniel and Abbigail are here for the night. They're sweethearts. Isaac and I sort of bonded with them tonight, it was pretty cool. I think I'd do just about anything to hear them laugh.

*Sighs*

In better news, my friend the "former co-worker" seems to have finally backed off. Smart move. ^-^

Lalalalala...night.

Worky Worky Worky

2005-05-18T19:29:00.000-07:00

Too much work.

I like it. ^-^

The drive is nice, the people are nice...it's all good.

I'm hoping that my sister is getting excited about her wedding on Saturday...:( The last time I talked to her, she didn't seem all that thrilled. I don't even know if she's in love with Danny, but he's a nice guy, and I think they'll be just fine. Abbie and Daniel love him to death, so I guess that's a good sign. *shrugs*

Well...I think I'm off to bed. Lots of love, except to the jerk who keeps posting stupid comments on my blog. To that person...:-D Screw you.

Wednesday

2005-05-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

I couldn't figure out what to call this entry, but since it's Wednesday...we'll call it Wednesday. O.o

There's really not too much to write. I have to leave for work at 1, but yeah, that's about it.

*Sigh*

Boring, boring entry.

Sorry o.o;

Isaac and I (Part II)

2005-05-16T20:06:00.000-07:00

Told ya.

We're dating again. Thank god, I really don't like being without him.

*le sigh...of happiness*

^-^ <3

Isaac and I

2005-05-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

...are broken up. Yeah, it happened again. I'm sure we'll be back together within the next couple of days, but...I dunno. Maybe not this time, I'm not so sure that I'm ready to be lied to for the rest of my life. O.o

I went out with my friend Amanda last night, which was pretty awesome, I haven't seen her in awhile and it was nice to see someone from High School. It kind of reminded me that there are some people that don't change, who can stay your friends no matter the distance. I miss having those kinds of friends, I guess.

I hit the 1/4 point in my novel...it's at 100 pages, finally. But, I'm sure that I'll probably go back, figure out that I don't like it, and rip out half the pages...but, if it makes the overall content better so be it.

Got today and tomorrow off, probably going to spend tomorrow with my sister so that we can find a dress for me for her wedding. ^-^ I think she's actually starting to get excited that she's getting married, which is awesome because I mean, they are going to spend the rest of their lives together.

*le sigh*

New Layout and stuff.

2005-05-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

I like this layout, it's kind of like my old one but...brighter. Actually, I'm not really sure how this happened, because it wasn't like this yesterday and I didn't change it. Oh well, it looks cool and that's all that matters. Someday I will attempt to make one, but until they make computers Sara-proof (meaning, fully idiot proof), that will NOT be happening. O.o

Work is cool. :) I luvs my job ^-^

Things with Isaac are going pretty well. I'm happy to report that we're...well...happy.

Not such happy news...but still news...

May 13 was my grandfather's burial, and May 14 was his memorial services. I have never seen my grandmother cry before, and it was a pretty sobering experience. I hope she can make it without him...I mean, they were married for 56 years...that's an awfully long time to know someone and to love them, and suddenly have them taken away.

If you pray, please pray for her.

Chicken...Chicken...PHEASANT!

2005-05-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

o.o

My new version of Duck, Duck, Goose...

The old shall now be....Chicken, Chicken, PHEASANT!

o.o

Yep. Tired. But why should the ducks and geese be better than the chickens and the pheasants?

*giggles uncontrollably* Hehe...
*stops* o.o

Started at my new job yesterday, it's lovely. A beautiful place on Lake George with a scenic view and wonderful people...I do so love the Spa business. ^-^ It offers alot more than the last Spa I worked at did, and the people and MANAGEMENT are much better and actually do their jobs.

^o^ *yawn*

Alright I'm off to bed. Comment if you'd like, I won't make you but it would be nice if you would.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

2005-05-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

I've been really angry, edgy, and overly obsessive compulsive lately so I decided to call a friend of mine, who is a psychologist in Massachusets, and asked what my problem might be.

After discussing the fact that I already have OCD, he asked if I was angry. I said yes, because obviously I am. He asked if little things were setting me off...Niki and Laura can atest to that, and yes, little things have been setting me off for some inexplicable reason. So he told me that he thinks my OCD has kicked into a thing called the Third Stage, which is when any flaws, even the tiniest ones, in your surrounding environment can trigger your anger, no matter how small. Even things that normally would not effect me, or my "normal" brain, are picked up by my subconscious and used to trigger my anger. He said that there is no medicine, and there isn't really much I can do, but hope that the people around me will understand. So, I hope you all understand, even though I know that a sorry or a mental weirdness isn't an excuse or warranted, but I hope you'll at least try to understand. For once, I really can't control this, and it's been like this for about 3 months now. I've trashed my room so many times in the past week alone, I'm surprised the walls are still standing. Just...please bear with me. I'm trying to get past this and hopefully, even though he said there isn't much to do, I'm hoping to prove him wrong.

o.o

I feel like the Hulk O.o

*sigh*

My Birthday

2005-05-04T16:59:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday.

Woohoo.

Yeah. 19. Wow.

*sighs*

Stay tuned, there may be excitement when I get my hair cut...because that's about all the excitement I'll be getting for a little while. O.o

*flops head in her pillow*

In Response to the "Former Co-Worker" Comment.

2005-04-21T20:35:00.000-07:00

Alright...whoever the anonymous poster was that brought my attention to the "Former Co-Worker" Comment, thanks. And to the "Former Co-Worker", I have this to say.

Sheila Haig did a great job for the first few months that she was manager at the Lincoln/Roosevelt Baths. However, there was much unrest throughout the entire bath house about her managerial skills, or lack of. I was not the one that got her fired, nor did I have anything to do with the process. I simply answered the questions that were asked of me, as did various other employees, so, if the cowardly "former co-worker" is reading this, you may want to spend some of your pathetically useless banter on them as well.

And yes...I have a large gut. I'm okay with that. If it offends you, I'm sure there's a hotline for people who have something against other people for being fat. If you'd like, I will waste my precious time looking up the number too, just so that YOUR life can be easier. :-D

As for customer complaints, I had two in my career at the bath house. Luckily, I did not lose my job. And, if the other employees disliked me so much, they would not have spent time with me AFTER WORK, offering free massages and going out to dinner and talking on the phone. You don't do that with people that you don't like.

Also, I would appreciate it if you left Gregg Balton's death out of this. The loss of his friendship with my family has not been grieved properly as of yet and the loss to his own family was deep. For you to disrespect a man who did absolutely nothing wrong, because you are trying to make a point which is ill-recieved, is not only childish, but wrong. As for my mother's doings at the hotel, it is not your business whether or not my father knows anything having to do with it, you are not part of my family, and have no right even mentioning my parents in a conversation. Even if such things did happen, it takes a poor, non-intellectual piece of snot that unfortunate people such as myself have had the "honor" of trying to cough up to use it in an argument.

If my "Former Co-Worker" is reading this, since you're so brave and obviously extremely intelligent, as per your oh-so-torturing, heart shattering comment, the least you could do is state your name so that I know which co-worker was dumb enough to search for my online journal to attempt to make a fool out of me when in truth, I just don't care.

In other news...

There isn't any :) You all got off lucky.

Today

2005-04-14T16:52:00.000-07:00

Today was a normal day...Isaac's parents flew to Florida for a week, so he has a mini-vacation from being their runabout. I love him...that definitely hasn't changed. Sometimes I think that we won't make it, with all the times that we fight. But then I realize...there is absolutely nothing wrong with us. We fight, yeah...but after we're done fighting, it's such a nice feeling when we look at each other and hold hands or hug or something to let the other one know that things aren't so bad after all. I love him so much...my life couldn't be without him.

*le sigh*

Birthdays and Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

2005-03-23T23:16:00.000-08:00

When I was younger, I liked birthdays. I thought they were awesome...I mean, everyone was paying attention to just one person and treating them special because that day was like a holiday, it was a remembrance of their birth. I still love the idea, but after celebrating Isaac's 19th birthday yesterday, I realized something else about birthdays, and the numbers that they celebrate. The same numbers that we wish for...16...18...21...they come too quickly. We celebrate the transition to "double digits" and into true teenagerdom (usually around 13 years) and then legal driving age, 16 in most states, 18 for being an adult (basically the signification of being able to drive past 9 pm), and 21 for being able to drink legally, if not responsibly. In truth, these numbers represent the same thing as 8, 14, and so on...they represent another year that you have made it through, and unfortunately, one year closer to the end of your life. When I was sitting at Isaac's table yesterday, staring at this man that I love more than anything, I realized that what I was celebrating was his life, another year of his beautiful blue eyes and the arms that I love around me. His parents had the nerve to tell him that it "isn't a big year" just because he's 19...it seems a crime to me to say that just because he is already past 18 and adulthood and not yet legally allowed to drink, it means that his birthday isn't worth celebrating. I celebrate every day I have with him, let alone another year that I can spend being his best friend and his "woman". For anyone to say that one year is more important than the other and to place a value on a year of someone's life is one of the most retarded things I've ever heard. Isaac's birthday, to me, isn't legal drinking age or being an adult, or any of those things...it's one more year we've had together and a grim reminder that we are both getting older, and that, really, there is no time to sit back and wait for the next year to treat someone a certain way when you love them...the time is right now. What if Isaac were to die tomorrow, and I didn't help him to celebrate his birthday just because he was only turning 19? That is one less day that I would've celebrated his life. I can't have that on my conscience, and Isaac, if you're reading this, you in yourself are a celebration of life, and I love you and look up to you more than you know.

In other news, I'm addicted to mint chocolate chip ice cream.

*sigh*

No title. I'm not creative.

2005-03-06T20:15:00.000-08:00

I just don't feel like being creative anymore.

Yes, I'm sure it's very nice to have a wonderful sense of creativity in art and music, but I am sick of letting my creative juices flow.

From now on, I'm going to boring and if you all don't like it...tough. I have nothing creative to say to that.

A Series of Unfortunate...Stuff

2005-02-07T19:32:00.000-08:00

So...haven't posted in awhile. Lots o' stuff to write about, unfortunately...

My mother was completely seasick on the cruise...and now, less than a month after leaving the ship, my grandfather is dead. He was admitted to the hospital the day that they left the ship, and progressively kept getting worse. Him and my grandmother had been married for 58 years, and we're all praying that she will make it without him...

*Sigh* Isaac and I are doing pretty well...it seems like we've all gotten into a truce with our parents, so life is peaceful for the time being. I love him so very much...hearing how depressed my grandmother is over the loss of my grandfather has made me want to hold him all day and night, and shield him from anything that might hurt him. If I could protect him from everything, every sickness, it would make my life complete. I pray that if we go, we go together, because I know that we can't survive apart.

In the meantime, my daddy's birthday is on Thursday, and my mom is in Florida helping with the funeral arrangements...so it's just me and him. I love my dad...I can't imagine how my mother feels right now. My dad and I are so close that if he died, I'm not sure if I could keep living without him. There are only four people I feel this way about...my mom, my dad, Isaac, and (though he doesn't know it) John. *sigh* Losing people is not my thing, that's for damn sure.

I never really got to make things right with my grandfather...we hadn't gotten along for the past few years, because of a fight...and I haven't told him that I loved him since then. I haven't even talked to him since my mother's birthday in November...I never got to tell him that I loved him and goodbye. I regret that so much...he was a wonderful man, and I had no right to treat him like I did...cliche, but worth it all the same...do not take people for granted...

:(
Not a happy entry...sorry everyone...

Time to Play Ketchup...er...Catch up...O.o

2005-01-16T23:56:00.000-08:00

Okay well let's see.....nope still nothing exciting to report.

Well...maybe a few things.

Isaac and I are finally happy. I am happy to say that we have overcome our differences to become a sickeningly happy couple that goes out in public displaying mass affection for each other and continues to do the same at home. He makes me laugh so hard that I bust stomach muscles, and for that I'm....uh...grateful...sort of....I suppose it's just nice to be truly happy with someone, and I'm happy that Isaac is mine.

My mother left this past Friday (I think it was the 14th) for a 10 day cruise with my grandparents. My poor father got stuck at home with me because he couldn't get the time off...but my mom is sea sick anyway so I don't think he's complaining. However, my grandfather is very ill and almost had a heart attack today on the cruise. I guess that praying is just about all I can do, and God help him.

Life at Adirondack Community College starts again on Tuesday the 18th...lovely. The one bright point is that Isaac is now going to ACC too, so at least we can carpool and show more public displays of affection that make single people want to vomit (sorry guys).

John and I have kind of started to hang out a little more. Our shared fascination for fish is helping our relationship, and especially when he drops them on the floor and likes to watch me scream like a baby when I try to pick them up with my fingers. *barfs* However, I do feel closer to him after our first accident together in his mom's "racing wagon".

Yeah that's just about it. I love Isaac, I'm going to school, my parents finally love me again and I've still got my best friend John by my side. I don't want it to get any better, this is good enough.

Wonderful.

2004-12-14T10:18:00.000-08:00

Well...Christmas is just about here and how many christmas presents have I bought?

...One.

God, it blows not having a job. Isaac and I are applying at Best Buy though...before everybody leaves me the "Don't work there the management sucks" comments, keep in mind that I really don't care to know and I would like to make that decision for myself.

Sorry if that came off as bitching but I am not in a very happy mood.

Somehow recent events with Isaac have started to really put a damper on our relationship. I know that there is alot of stress right now in both of our lives, but it's almost as if both of us have to hold our tongues infront of each other so that the other doesn't get offended/defensive. We fight so often now that it's at least a twice daily occurance...it's been like this for weeks.

Maybe there is an easy solution to these problems that I'm just not saying. I don't want anyone to post advice, or the stupid cliches that everyone keeps insisting are the right answers. I don't want anyone telling me what I should do, or how I should do it; this time I would prefer to figure it out on my own. I have had enough with people meddling in my life and Isaac's life and the combined to last me a lifetime and everybody can feel free to stop doing it.

Thanksgiving

2004-11-25T13:23:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!!!!

I have found a few things that I am thankful for;

1.) I am thankful for my screaming nephew and my peppy niece who have kept me running since 2:00 this afternoon-without them I would not be able to work off all this turkey and squash that I just ate.

2.) I am thankful for my parents, who have always been my best friends, no matter the situation.

3.) I am thankful for Isaac, who, even though I have way too many faults, has been by my side every step of the way. Without him, I would be dead by now.

4.) I am thankful for John, whose advice has helped me to overcome many situations that I thought were insurmountable.

Finally...

5.) I am thankful for my life. I am thankful that even through being sick and through all of the things that I put myself through, I have wonderful friends to help me through. I thank God every day I get to see you guys again...just so you know.

What are you thankful for?

My One Issue is....

2004-11-20T16:54:00.000-08:00

My one issue is...

People who celebrate Christmas who do not believe in Jesus or don't follow the Christian/Catholic religion.

It is not just a gift giving occassion. To know the roots of where the gift giving came from, it came from the shepherds and the wisemen who came to visit Jesus on the day of his birth and give him what material belongings they could spare, since his family was poor, and also to celebrate his birth. This day is not Santa Claus, it is not reindeer, the true meaning is the birth of Jesus Christ...hence the name CHRISTmas. I will never understand why people who don't even follow the faith celebrate it anyway, when they are completely misconscrewing the entire idea of Christmas. It seems like a complete waste to me...the first thing that my family does on Christmas morning is eat breakfast together...and before we eat breakfast, we say our prayers. Basically, the day is not entirely about presents, although they are nice...in our family and in the families of other people who actually grasp the concept of Christmas, it is a celebration of the birth of our God's son.

Sorry for the rant, but celebrating Christmas for the materialistic point is idiotic...it is, and always has been, a Christian/Catholic holiday. If you are not one of those religions, why would you celebrate it?

In Potsdam

2004-11-15T14:39:00.002-08:00

I'm up at Potsdam visiting Isaac...:)

I guess that just made my day kind of. I miss him when he's not around...I know that it seems stupid for two people that pretended to hate each other for awhile last year, but now it's getting kind of hard to live without each other. I guess that goes hand-in-hand with being engaged. I can't wait to marry him...I know that I'm finally making a decision that is worthwhile and something that won't haunt me for the rest of my life.

:)

Feeling a Little Sorry....

2004-11-15T14:39:00.001-08:00

I feel sorry for Isaac...he has pretty much decided that he no longer wants to be at Clarkson. Unfortunately, his parents are not supporting his decision at all. I'm not sure why that is, since it is his life and ultimately, his future...but I suppose it's not my call...

I hope that everything turns out okay for him.

Unhappy, or just...blah?

2004-11-14T17:10:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I'm actually unhappy or if I just feel "blah". I think that it really depends on how you look at it.

I am not particularly happy being engaged, I don't like school, I don't work enough to know whether or not I like it, and in general, things are just not happening for me right now. I have about 1300 dollars that I have to magically pull out of my *edited* before the end of December, and that isn't even counting Christmas presents. So thank you, Sheila of the Roosevelt Mineral Baths and Spa, for officially screwing up my financial plans by sticking your head a little further up your *edited*.

I feel "blah" because in response to this wonderful new world of financial stress, my body is shutting itself down. I feel completely and totally exhausted now, even at times when I would usually be the most awake, for example, while driving. The things that I use to like doing are actually making me bored now...it's sort of odd.

I know that every thing gets better at some point, and I guess I'm waiting for that day. I hope that it gets better soon, for the sake of my sanity.

It's Friday

2004-11-12T13:19:00.000-08:00

...and guess what...it doesn't matter, because I'm not in school, I don't have a job, I have no money, so Friday really doesn't freakin matter now does it?

*explodes*

I NEED A LIFE.

*Update* I am currently employed at KB Toys. Do not shop there, or I will shoot you. Thank you ^.^

One Year

2004-11-09T09:42:00.000-08:00

Isaac and I had our one year anniversary on Friday, Nov. 5th...really more than a year, since he's honestly had me since 3rd grade. We went out to the Weathervane for dinner, then came home and watched Scary Movie 3 and Godzilla. Saturday we went to the Medbury Inn and Spa and took a mineral bath...then went to Crossgates with his cousin Steven and went to Friday's for dinner afterwards. After that we watched the rest of Godzilla and basically fell asleep because there was nothing more interesting then sleeping at that point. Sunday morning my mother woke us up early so that we could have a "family breakfast", and then we went to Lake George for the day. We were going to try to find Silver Bay so that we could see the church where we are planning on being married, but he wasn't feeling all that great so we decided just to walk around aimlessly. Sunday night we ate dinner with my parents, then watched "Catch Me If You Can" which is a really good movie, minus Leonardo DiCaprio. Monday we spent a little bit of time together, and then he left...

Yes...this weekend was one of the best weekends of my entire life...So Isaac, if you're reading this, thank you for giving me one weekend where nothing else mattered.

Yay!

2004-11-03T10:23:00.000-08:00

Thank god that Kerry did not win. I really didn't like that man...I'm not a HUGE Bush fan, but I like him a whole lot more than I like Kerry.

:)

The rednecks DO have a chance!

October is almost over...

2004-10-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

October is almost over...notice my festive orange coloring :)

I feel like I have accomplished just about...well...nothing. Well, I shouldn't say that...I gained a husband-to-be and I feel very excited about that. I guess this month was not a waste...all because of one man who decided that I was worth his heart.

:) I love him...

Oh my god...

...I'm going to be Mrs. Sara May Wagner...

O.O

Graduation Song

2004-10-27T16:54:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm turning into a band geek, but today we played the graduation song in band and it almost made me cry. I wish how simple high school was compared to college..:(

Oh well, it's almost over.

First College Concert

2004-10-26T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight was my first ever college band concert. It was pretty cool...the band sounded completely awesome and it was hard to even hear myself think at some parts. Isaac drove all the way back from Potsdam just to see it, and is currently sleeping on my couch downstairs ^_^.

I think that Chubba and Weeny do not like each other. They just stare at each other constantly, like each one wishes that the other one would just hurry up and die so that they don't have to share a tank anymore. Chubba is pretty but Weeny is jealous I think, because she is not so pretty. Oh well. Vanity is a curse.

Well...I have to wake Isaac up early tomorrow morning so I better get some semblence of sleep.

:)

"Mona Lisa Smile"

2004-10-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

I've been watching a movie called "Mona Lisa Smile" and I realized that I actually like it. I like the way that it flies in the face of all the conformities that have been placed on women for years.

Now that I say that, most likely in 15 years I will be doing Isaac's laundry, cooking his dinner, cleaning his home and raising his kids.

*sigh*

Now presenting...

2004-10-25T18:24:00.000-07:00

Let's have a warm welcome for the newest members of my fish family, Chubba the Man Betta and Weeny the Woman Betta. Hopefully they will have fishy intercourse and produce some serious Chubba/Weeny babies, or else I just spent $5 for nothing.

HOLY ENGAGEMENT!

2004-10-25T18:18:00.000-07:00

Okay...

As of October 23, 2004, Isaac and I are officially, and with the blessing of both sets of parents, engaged.

*explodes*

Quiz Stuff

2004-10-19T17:24:00.000-07:00

You came from heaven. Your gole in life is to help
others and to make the world a better place.
Some call you weak, but in reality your soul is
very strong. If only more people were like
you...

Where did you come from?
brought to you by

Sigh

2004-10-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

This one is going to be a long one, so if you don't have the time you may not want to read this.

*sigh* Where to begin? I guess that I've put off the truth for way too long, and the truth is that I'm lying to myself. I suppose that I want to believe that everyone thinks that I'm strong, and that I can fight my way out of everything...what I've realized is that the truth of the matter is, I'm only hurting myself in the process. Now that I try so hard to be tough, I've realized that I am starting to make myself emotionless, which is really starting to get in the way of my relationship with Isaac. Pretty unfortunate, but solvable, I think.
Then, now that I keep thinkng about it, I've realized that I am completely burnt out. Between working a full time job and going to school full time, I do not have any energy or patience left for anything. Granted, I do get a few hours to myself on Monday and Tuesday nights, but the rest of the week belongs to Adirondack Community College and the Roosevelt Mineral Baths and Spa. I wish that it wasn't that way but I guess that in order to get anywhere in life, sacrafices have to be made. I wish that the sacrafice wasn't my sanity.
Truthfully, I am also starting to wonder about my relationship with Isaac. We will not be able to really see each other or actually be truly together until he graduates from Clarkson University a little over 3 years from now. I know that it does not seem like a long time, but I miss him so much that I actually keep myself up at night crying because I need him...not as a boyfriend, but as my best friend. I miss having him around, I've spent so many years with him so close by and ready to be at my side if anything happened and vice versa that it is killing me to pick up the phone and realize that to get a hug from him would mean a 3 and 1/2 hour drive to Potsdam and an expensive hotel room. I suppose that it isn't too much but for the amount of hugs I've needed lately, I'm just not sure if a long distance relationship is really something that I can handle.
I feel like I'm doing something wrong here. Everytime I feel like I should just call Isaac and apologize for being stupid, or just call and find a new job somewhere less stressful, I realize that I can't, because that would mean I was admitting that I'm wrong. No one likes to believe that they've been wrong, but now that I do kind of realize it, I still don't want to correct it, I just want to be a complete moron. I suppose I'm doing a really good job, one of the few I've been accomplishing successfully lately, I guess.

Overall, it has been a truly crappy week and I'm hoping that it gets better soon, or I might explode.

*sigh*

Another Happy Day

2004-10-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

I had a good day. It was fun and airy and pretty and wonderful.

*cough* Not.

I was so cold all day today I thought that my nose was going to actually grow icicles. Isaac ended up staying the night at my house last night, which was cool, and left early this morning after we ate some breakfast. (Sour cream and chive mashed potatoes for him, fried eggs with fried turkey ontop of toast for me) A good, healthy breakfast and he was off for college, never to be seen until...well...Friday...

I miss him. He bought me this really beautiful ring...it's white gold with a square emerald surrounded by two small diamonds. He's truly amazing and I would love to spend the rest of my life with him...

:)

Happy Thursday

2004-10-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

IT'S ALMOST FRIDAY!!!

Which can only mean one thing...

It's almost time for me to see Isaac again...:)

I couldn't be happier unless I was there right now...which isn't going to happen, so I guess that I couldn't really be happier...^.^

*sigh* Right now...life is good.

:)

Wednesday

2004-10-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

Well it's Wednesday...the day after tomorrow I will be driving up to see Isaac at Clarkson. :) I honestly cannot wait to see him.

Speaking of "The Day After Tomorrow", it proved to be an extremely long, but good, movie. I'd watch it again, although that was 2 hours of my life that I will never, ever be able to get back.

Ah, well. I'm going to get some sleep so I can wake up for 8 am psychology. *cringes*

Night ^-^

O.o

2004-10-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

Going to see Isaac this weekend...not going into detail about anything though, it'll probably be taken out of context somehow. *smirks*

Anyway...over 3 hours and $300 later, I will be in Pottsdam with Isaac, finally able to get two seconds alone with him without someone asking one of us to run an errand. I am definitely not looking forward to the drive there and back, but I guess he's worth it...:)

I should probably go to class...*frowns* just about sick of this class thing...

Deleted the old one...

2004-10-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

Apparently, I cannot trust my so called friends, namely Laura's boyfriend, Lowell. Thank you for running to my sister and telling her what I wrote in my blog, Lowell, it makes me feel great that I can trust you to be a complete moron and ruin my life. I hope that being such an idiot really makes you feel wonderful about yourself.

As you can see, since my confidence has been breached, I have decided to start over. Obviously, I am not allowed to vent on here, so instead, I will just write nice things so that when Lowell runs back to tell my sister, they'll have something happy to chat about.

Hope you're happy freak.

Enter the Maytrix

Some Wise Quotes from a one Robert Frost.

It's been awhile

The Case of the "Ex"

Done

Never Again.

Untitled.

Today is almost Monday.

Boring

Merry Christmas

*Yawn*

Work

Issue #2: Judgment

Cheese

Piccy-Ture

Tattoo

Not Engaged

Can't Sleep

Pink and Purple Bucket

Fishies

*No Title*

My Sister's Wedding

Worky Worky Worky

Wednesday

Isaac and I (Part II)

Isaac and I

New Layout and stuff.

Chicken...Chicken...PHEASANT!

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

My Birthday

In Response to the "Former Co-Worker" Comment.

Today

Birthdays and Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

No title. I'm not creative.

A Series of Unfortunate...Stuff

Time to Play Ketchup...er...Catch up...O.o

Wonderful.

Thanksgiving

My One Issue is....

In Potsdam

Feeling a Little Sorry....

Unhappy, or just...blah?

It's Friday

One Year

Yay!

October is almost over...

Graduation Song

First College Concert

"Mona Lisa Smile"

Now presenting...

HOLY ENGAGEMENT!

Quiz Stuff

*Sigh*

Another Happy Day

Happy Thursday

Wednesday

O.o

Deleted the old one...

Yawn

No Title

Sigh